This morning as I am considering writing one more blog, I wonder where the time goes. At my age now, it seems to fly past at lightening speed, so fast, in fact, that if I don't write it down, or make note somehow, I may forget many things associated with the passing of that time.
I recall when I was young, with 4 children at home and a disabled husband, that I was able to work a fulltime job, outside the home, be the church clerk, worship leader, Adult Sunday School teacher, and lead singer in a trio that sang at other churches on invitation and special services, regional/district meetings, etc.
How did I do that?
Looking back down that tunnel of life, I don't know, except it was driven by a passion so strong that I could see no other way of life nor did I want another way of life. It seemed perfect to me except for a few nagging issues that I just could not seem to get worked out...
After 26 years of marriage (the last 13 as a sold-out, blood bought, heaven-bound follower of Christ)I was faced with divorce, not my choice, but his. And my world turned upside down.
The next 19 years flew by so fast, that it's all a blur to me now. In the last 6 years, my mother, my step-father (who was an awesome Dad to me), my biological father, and step-mother and my youngest child, Shelley, have all gone to be with the Lord. The last living sibling on my mother's side passed away 5 weeks ago and his last words to me were, "Stay here as long as you can, but when you are ready to come Home, I will be watching for you." Where has the time gone? A lot of it has gone on to be with Jesus.
How we 'spend' the time will make a difference in how we handle the issues of life, such as divorce, and the loss of loved ones. If we are rooted and grounded in the Word of God and have a fresh relationship with Christ, though there is pain and there is loss, we count it all joy that we are able to endure when these times of testing come, knowing at the end of it all awaits joy unspeakable.
How are you 'spending' the time that God has allowed you upon this earth? Are you always waiting for the time to be 'right' for you to allow God to use the gifts and talents He has placed in you. Are there other demands upon on your time, your life, that come before your service to Him. What price are you willing to pay, to bring Him the reward of His suffering?
Did I do it all right? Absolutely not! Could I have done more? Absolutely! All we have is right now. We have no promise of tomorrow. So what we do for Him, must be done today, right in the middle of life's demands. Does He understand that we have families to care for, baseball, soccer, basketball, football games to attend? Does He get it that we have to prepare meals after working all day, try to keep the laundry done and the floors swept, the dog groomed, the lawn mowed, the weeds pulled out of the flower beds, the garden?
There is nothing new under the sun. He gets it about the cares of life. All He requires is that you live it with a passion for Him. Let everything you do be done as unto Him. All of it! Then, as time passes, and you sense how quickly it is slipping away, you can rest in knowing that you have loved Him, and with great joy you have served Him and brought Him honor and glory with your life.....how are you 'spending' your life?
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Friday, April 9, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
I'LL BE WATCHING!
Today, I go the the Memorial Service being held for my uncle who passed away three days ago. He was 82 years old, and the last of my mother's family. The last connection of my childhood, with those who loved my mother and whom my mother loved.
My uncle had not led an exemplary life, and was pretty much known as a wild man, not held by any boundries but those of great pain and sorrow at the loss of his first wife and 12 year old son in a car accident forty three years ago. He drowned himself in a sea of alcohol and sorrow and rage seemly beyond his control. Yet you loved him. And through the veil of pain, you knew he loved you.
He finally remarried to a woman who already had six children and they had two of their own. From my observation window, life was still chaos, but in some ways, all the children seemed to draw down some of the self-destructive behaviors. And life went on like this for the next 35 years or so.
About eight to ten years ago, things started to change with him. His family, raised in chaos, his marriage always in chaos, was still the same, but he began to change. I have witnessed the bitterness in the family toward him, the wife, the children often rude in speaking to him. Critical of him when he would try to visit with family or friends, because this was the way they had always lived and though he was changing they could not see if for all the hurt and damage they had suffered.
As the change began to manifest, he would frequently call my mother, asking for prayer for some friend or someone he knew or had heard about that was sick or having some kind of trouble. He would ask Mom to pray and ask her to call me and ask me to pray. This went on for a number of years before my mother passed away in 2006, and then for a while, he was silent, broken once again by the loss of my mother, and then....he began to call me for prayer.
On the phone, he could have a conversation without the wife or one of the adult children, interupting or contradicting whatever he was saying. The phone was his safe place to share his heart.
His wife passed away two years ago, and because of his own health, he has been pretty much confined to the home where he and his wife had lived with their youngest son for the last 25 years. The son has never married and has supported his parents since he became old enough to work. But even living with this son, my uncle has been pretty much alone.
He loved my grand daughters, and when the grand daughter who is in the Army was home on leave, we would go to see him. He was crazy about her and her sister. In January he sent the grand daughter, who is now in Afghanistan, a quilt that he had made and some other items to bless her with and then he got a call from her that blessed him beyond expressing.
He had called me about a month ago and was wanting to ship her some miniture bananas but could not get any of his adult children who live near him to take them to the post offiice and because I do not live in the same city, I was not available to help with little things like that for him. He was always pleasant when he called me and we always had a nice visit.
My last conversation with him was two weeks ago when he called to tell me he had to eat the bananas but his plan was to get some more when his daughter came to visit from Wyoming, because she would ship them. She is his oldest daughter, from his first marriage, who was injured in the fatal accident that killed her mother and brother. She was 15 when she lost her mom and brother and she lost her father at the same time because his grief was too much to bear. She had to be placed with elderly grand parents who did the best the could to fill the gap. And she is today, an awesome woman of God and has been for more than 30 years.
In that last conversation with my uncle, he was speaking of my grand daughter and saying that when she comes home in October, she better come see him.....and then he stopped. He said, "No, sis, I won't be here when she comes home." He told me he did not feel like it would be long now, before he left this earth. I asked him if he was ready to meet the Lord and he assured me that he was. I told him that would make it easier to let him go, to know that he was safe with the Lord.
His last words to me were, "Katherine Marie, you stay here as long as you can, but when you are ready to come Home, I'll be watching for you." We said our 'I love you's and ended our last conversation on this earth.
Why have I told you all of this? Because I want to encourage you never to give up on someone. God never gives up......until the tree falls and then it is over. This tree fell, prepared to meet his Savior.
My uncle had not led an exemplary life, and was pretty much known as a wild man, not held by any boundries but those of great pain and sorrow at the loss of his first wife and 12 year old son in a car accident forty three years ago. He drowned himself in a sea of alcohol and sorrow and rage seemly beyond his control. Yet you loved him. And through the veil of pain, you knew he loved you.
He finally remarried to a woman who already had six children and they had two of their own. From my observation window, life was still chaos, but in some ways, all the children seemed to draw down some of the self-destructive behaviors. And life went on like this for the next 35 years or so.
About eight to ten years ago, things started to change with him. His family, raised in chaos, his marriage always in chaos, was still the same, but he began to change. I have witnessed the bitterness in the family toward him, the wife, the children often rude in speaking to him. Critical of him when he would try to visit with family or friends, because this was the way they had always lived and though he was changing they could not see if for all the hurt and damage they had suffered.
As the change began to manifest, he would frequently call my mother, asking for prayer for some friend or someone he knew or had heard about that was sick or having some kind of trouble. He would ask Mom to pray and ask her to call me and ask me to pray. This went on for a number of years before my mother passed away in 2006, and then for a while, he was silent, broken once again by the loss of my mother, and then....he began to call me for prayer.
On the phone, he could have a conversation without the wife or one of the adult children, interupting or contradicting whatever he was saying. The phone was his safe place to share his heart.
His wife passed away two years ago, and because of his own health, he has been pretty much confined to the home where he and his wife had lived with their youngest son for the last 25 years. The son has never married and has supported his parents since he became old enough to work. But even living with this son, my uncle has been pretty much alone.
He loved my grand daughters, and when the grand daughter who is in the Army was home on leave, we would go to see him. He was crazy about her and her sister. In January he sent the grand daughter, who is now in Afghanistan, a quilt that he had made and some other items to bless her with and then he got a call from her that blessed him beyond expressing.
He had called me about a month ago and was wanting to ship her some miniture bananas but could not get any of his adult children who live near him to take them to the post offiice and because I do not live in the same city, I was not available to help with little things like that for him. He was always pleasant when he called me and we always had a nice visit.
My last conversation with him was two weeks ago when he called to tell me he had to eat the bananas but his plan was to get some more when his daughter came to visit from Wyoming, because she would ship them. She is his oldest daughter, from his first marriage, who was injured in the fatal accident that killed her mother and brother. She was 15 when she lost her mom and brother and she lost her father at the same time because his grief was too much to bear. She had to be placed with elderly grand parents who did the best the could to fill the gap. And she is today, an awesome woman of God and has been for more than 30 years.
In that last conversation with my uncle, he was speaking of my grand daughter and saying that when she comes home in October, she better come see him.....and then he stopped. He said, "No, sis, I won't be here when she comes home." He told me he did not feel like it would be long now, before he left this earth. I asked him if he was ready to meet the Lord and he assured me that he was. I told him that would make it easier to let him go, to know that he was safe with the Lord.
His last words to me were, "Katherine Marie, you stay here as long as you can, but when you are ready to come Home, I'll be watching for you." We said our 'I love you's and ended our last conversation on this earth.
Why have I told you all of this? Because I want to encourage you never to give up on someone. God never gives up......until the tree falls and then it is over. This tree fell, prepared to meet his Savior.
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