Have you ever come to a place in your journey where you felt you had nothing to offer? Nothing to offer the world around your and nothing to offer the King who died for you? It seems to me, as I get older, that these places in the road come more frequently.
For the most part, ministry is happening, you are flowing in the Holy Spirit and lives are being touched as evidenced by the responses and feedback you receive.....And then...it happens.
I'm done, I'm empty, there is nothing left. What do You want of me, Lord? What would you have me do or say on this day? Who do I need to touch for You today? Where are You?
Why would this happen? You are obeying His instructions for your life. You have surrendered your gifts & talents back to Him who created and gave them. There is no unforgiveness, or sin in your life. You love Him and have no other gods and you love your neighbor......Why? I used to stress over these times when they came but I have learned to wait upon Him. I have learned, He is nearby, and this is the best thing for me now.
Did I get it when I began to recognize these bumps in the road? No! After a few times, did I get it? No! Over the years, it did finally started to make some sense to me. I can look back at the early days, and tell you that most of the time, I just ran out of what I could do on my own. And then, I would say, "Where are You, Lord?" Silence. Then I would proceed to make every effort to do what I am called to do and it felt like dragging a sack of potatoes around! "I need Your help with this, Lord. I cannot do this all by myself!" Basically, whining....still there was silence.
Then there came a day, when I am reeling off to Him, all the problems I am encountering: "I put everything I have into this for You and nobody cares. No one steps up to help or even acts like this means anything to them. I can work hours in preparation, 45 to 60 minutes its over and they just go on with their lives!"
Then comes the still, small voice...."So, this was all about you? What I have placed in you, your calling, your gifting....it's all about you." Life changing moment!
Did I get it after this encounter? No! I have found myself in this place more times than I can count. But in returning here many times, I have learned just to wait on Him. It has not always been because it was about me instead of Him and I have now learned that. I have learned to search myself, make sure that I am still walking in obedience to His Word and take care of it if I'm not.
The older Followers of Christ, have told us to keep short accounts with God. Don't let sin and frustration, unforgiveness, anger, sadness, steal what He has freely given you. Its time to stop and do some bookkeeping. Balance the accounts, so to speak.
When you know that you know everything is right between you and God.....wait. He is getting ready to do something awesome and He is giving you rest before the next journey.
"They who wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint" Isaiah 40:31
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